Okay, maybe not timely, but still funny.
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush
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Darn funny,
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Who knew cesium clocks had such a terrible flaw?
The problem with the cesium clock is that after 30 million years or so, the clock will be off by about one second.Oh, the humanity!
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"It's really important to me not to be known as Ross when I'm 60."
--David Schwimmer
Good luck with that one.
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"I have not survived against all odds. I have not lived to tell. I have not witnessed the extraordinary. This is my story."
--Amy Krouse Rosenthal
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Darn funny,
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"Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these."
-- Ovid
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"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
- Fran Lebowitz
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"It's weird the way 'finger puppet' sounds okay as a noun..."
--Comedian Demetri Martin
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"America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week."
- Evan Esar
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"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."
--Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
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Jane,
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"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
--Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina, trans. Constance Garnett
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