Written on Friday, December 30, 2005 by Jessica
While reading The Dilbert Blog, I found this funny entry about back pain. Here's a quote:
If you have ever had a severe back sprain, you can answer the following quiz with no problem. Which activity is most likely to result in the worst back pain of your life?
A. Skiing to outrace an avalanche
B. Lifting a car to save a baby
C. Kickboxing competition
D. Bending over to pick up a piece of Pringles™ you spit out while laughing at your own joke
Written on Wednesday, December 28, 2005 by Jessica
Today's Dilbert cracked me up.
Written on Tuesday, December 27, 2005 by Jessica
According to a CNN.com article, a judge has tossed out a restraining order that was "granted to a Santa Fe woman who accused talk-show host David Letterman of using coded words to show that he wanted to marry her and train her as his co-host."
The article continues:
Lawyers for Letterman contended the order was without merit.
"He is entitled to a protection of his legal rights and a protection of his reputation," Pat Rogers, an Albuquerque lawyer representing Letterman, told the judge Tuesday.
Good lord, Letterman. Don't your lawyers have anything better to do? The woman is obviously insane. Your reputation wasn't in danger until you actually paid people to take the matter seriously. Now you look like an idiot.
Written on Tuesday, December 27, 2005 by Jessica
I received plenty of baby items and maternity wear, as you might expect. My sister-in-law -- oh so funny -- gave me a package of maternity underwear. Naturally, I had to open them up so everyone could see a giant pair. Fortunately, they were "bikini" style (yeah right), which means they weren't as huge as a pair of, say, maternity briefs.
Written on Thursday, December 22, 2005 by Jessica
I'm extremely amused by this article at CNN.com, about a student who tried to wear a kilt to a formal dance at his high school and got in trouble.
The amusing part is not the article itself. It's the fact that the article links to the website of the school district in question. I was able to browse the Administration section and easily find the principal's e-mail address, so I wrote him a respectful letter telling him why he was wrong. I'm sure it's Christmas break right now, and I'm also sure that there are hundreds of idiots just like me--maybe thousands--who also wrote him letters. His inbox will be overflowing when he gets back! Poor guy. (I don't really feel sorry for him. He supposedly called the kilt wearer a clown, but says he "doesn't recollect" saying that, which is code for, "Yes, I said that, but I'm not going to admit it, nor am I going to lie and say outright that I didn't say that.")
Written on Thursday, December 22, 2005 by Jessica
I've finally had it with A&E's programming, so I wrote them a letter. I guess I'm just in a bitchy, letter-writing mood these days.
Dear A&E,
I am now thoroughly disgusted with your programming lineup. It's time you changed your network name to TTE -- Trailer Trash Entertainment -- because retaining the "A" for "Arts" is an insult to your viewers. Dog the Bounty Hunter, Growing up Gotti, Inked, Rollergirls and others are simply not worthy of A&E.
Sincerely,
Jessica [Last Name]
UPDATE: A&E's initial reply:
Thank you for submitting a QUESTION/COMMENT through our automated FAQ Wizard.
We will do our best to send your inquiry to appropriate contacts at A&E
Television Networks.
Thanks again for clicking with us!
Truly,
Viewer Relations
A&E Television Networks
Posted in
Complaint letters
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Written on Wednesday, December 21, 2005 by Jessica
The Jane Austen Action Figure has been around all summer, but I never heard about it until I received one for Christmas from by boss!
Posted in
Jane
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Written on Wednesday, December 21, 2005 by Jessica
Hmmmm, somehow it's hard to feel sorry for torturers who get tortured.
Written on Tuesday, December 20, 2005 by Jessica
I ordered my sister's Christmas present from LTD Commodities well in advance -- November 7. I had to prepay using a ridiculously inconvenient system: they sent a postcard with the item's cost minus shipping, which took several days via snail mail. (You can't pay with a credit card on their site b/c they don't accept credit cards.) I immediately sent payment, and then I waited. And waited. Finally, on December 17, they "shipped" my package. Of course, I use the term "shipped" loosely. The 17th was a Saturday, after all, on today (Tuesday), the item's status at UPS is "billing information received," which means the item hasn't even been picked up yet. I don't know how I'm possibly going to have time to get it by Friday, which is the day we're having Christmas with my sister.
Maybe it will in fact arrive on or before Friday, in which case my current mood will be pointless. I'm trying to wait until it really is too late before I become furious.
UPDATE: I received an email from LTD Commodities to tell me my item has shipped and should arrive in ten business days. Here's the letter I wrote, which was a waste of time because I don't feel any better.
I am officially furious. I ordered my item on November 7, well in advance of Christmas. When nervously checking my item's status on December 14 or 15, I naively believed the statement on your site that promised, “If you’re item’s status is ‘preparing to ship,’ assume that it has shipped. We won’t be updating order statuses until December 20." The first thing I did the morning of the 20th was check the status of my item. It finally "shipped" on December 17, which merely means that your site claims it shipped on December 17. As of today (December 20), however, my item's status at UPS is still "billing information received," which usually means the carrier hasn't even picked it up yet. The last straw was the e-mail I received this afternoon (December 20) saying that my item has shipped and should arrive in ten business days. I need it in three days for Christmas with my sister.
It is absolutely unbelievable that it takes six weeks to ship an item. I'm sure that part of problem is the ridiculous policy of sending a postcard via snail mail so that I could pay in advance of shipment. After I placed my order, it took two weeks for the postcard to arrive. I had to return this payment via snail mail because there is no way to pay instantly with a credit card. I sent payment immediately because I was concerned about receiving the item in time for Christmas. It took over a week an a half for my check to clear. It then took another two and a half weeks for the item to finally ship. If I'd had any idea that LTD Commodities was such an undependable company, I obviously would never have placed an order. Even if my item miraculously arrives in time for Christmas, I can assure you it wasn’t worth the stress.
UPDATE #2: Well, guess what. UPS now says my item is in transit and will deliver today! Does this mean I have to eat crow? I'm not sure, because as I said in my letter, even if my order arrived in time, it wasn't worth the stress.
UPDATE #3: My package arrived in time for Christmas. LTD Commodities never responded to my letter.
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Complaint letters
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Written on Monday, December 19, 2005 by Jessica
Sigh. I hold sexist views that I can't seem to shake.
I spotted this article, which had the following headline: "Dr. Germ, Mrs. Anthrax released by U.S. Army." It refers to some high-profile officials in the Iraqi government before Saddam's fall.
I thought to myself, Oh, sure. The guy gets to be Dr. Germ, but she's Mrs. Anthrax.
It was a completely irrational thought because, as a doctor, his nickname is obviously going to be prefixed by "Dr.," not "Mr." Why would I have a problem with that? After all, if she were a doctor, she'd be Dr. Anthrax, not Mrs. Anthrax, right?
So here's the terrible truth: They're both women. Dr. Germ is a woman, but I assumed she was a man. What's wrong with me?