F*ck, ffffffffff*ck


Written on Sunday, January 27, 2008 by Jessica

Last weekend, I had the mortifying experience of hearing my toddler say those words at Grandma's house. "Fuck, fffffffuck." Extra emphasis on the "f" and "k." Unmistakable. Grandma was properly horrified. "What did he just say?" I replied that maybe he was trying to say "truck." Lame, I know, especially since the boy has been properly saying "truck" for months. But what can I say? I don't think well when mortified, and worse, I didn't want to admit the truth: that he must've heard one of his parents say it.

Yes, it's true. Most people think I don't swear because I don't do so in regular conversation. But when I sit in front of my computer working on something that isn't going well, or reading a frustrating e-mail from a coworker, really bad words come out of my mouth. It's a habit I haven't been able to break. I didn't think I ever said anything unsavory in front of Seth, but his new favorite word said otherwise.

Bob says the word from time to time when he gets really mad over something, such as trying to replace a part on a vehicle but breaking another part in the process. A fifty-dollar mistake will do that to a man. But what the heck? Surely Seth had heard his Daddy say "shit" many more times than the f-word, yet he wasn't walking around saying "shit" for fun.

I thought perhaps he heard it on television. Bob and I haven't regulated our viewing habits at all, which is how Jon Stewart from the Daily Show recently taught my little boy how to say "dammit." So yeah, that must be it, right? We must've been watching an R-rated movie. Seth didn't hear it from us. It must've been the TV. (This is known as "grasping at straws.")

I've spent a week lamenting over this. Out of nowhere the kid will start saying it. At first I tried ignoring him, but the word seem to hold a special fascination, despite the fact that I purposely made sure I didn't overreact. I didn't want him to learn that Mommy had a special freak-out button and all he had to do was swear. When ignoring didn't work, I started to correct him. "No, Seth. That's a bad word. It's naughty." Out of desperation, I even began to offer other words he could say instead. "Seth, don't say that. You can say, 'shoot.'" This backfired monumentally because later on I became upset over something and shouted, "Shoot!" Seth replied, "Fuck."

Yesterday, the mystery was finally solved. I learned the source of the dreaded word. Care to guess?

We were in the living room together when he picked up his stuffed animal and said, "Fock." So after all this agony, it turns out my little guy just can't quite say "frog."

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  1. Unknown |

    hey jessica... even im using the red white blogger template... well i got everytin done.. but not able to get the html code 1 i.e for the search box.. inside the requested part.. i think i messed up while installing the template.. coz i dint delete all my widgets.. now is der nyway i cud get this problem fixed.. coz now my html1 is a my shoutbox.. pls help me solve this problem.. coz im not getting any help frm the original website.. and also im a novice in html editing..

  2. Christina |

    interesting...frog. I know if you ignore it, they tend not to use it. But hearing your child say fuck in public will mortify any one.

    One co work had his son (who was 3) tell him he is a stupid shit in the grocery store!

  3. Joanne |

    This is my biggest fear as my hubby loves the "F" word. lol But go figure that he wasn't even meaning to use a bad word.

  4. Valerie |

    Oh my goodness...too funny! I have been fortunate enough to not have any swear words come out of Kiera's mouth yet! But...she has called me a jerk, and a stupid loser, so that's something...LOL. I told her those were not nice words, so now she tells me "I not call you jerk anymore mommy" or "I not say stupid anymore."...usually out of the blue for no apparent reason. Gotta love the mind of a child!

  5. Unknown |

    It's interesting how young and younger they keep getting when they learn that word! I am giving you an award in tomorrow's post and the lady right below has had the same issue in the last few days.

  6. Jessica |

    "Stupid shit." Wow. Mortification. Christina, be glad that cats don't talk...

    Watch out, Joanne. If Daddy's favorite word is the f-word, it's also going to be Jamie's favorite word sometime very soon. Hopefully not in the grocery store like Christina's coworker's kid. :)

    Kiera's such a sweet little girl, Val. Of course she's not going to call Mommy a stupid jerk anymore!

    Wow, Lisa, I'm getting an award in tomorrow's post? The curiosity is already killing me. Can't wait.

  7. Danielle/Brooke |

    Tommy's favorite word currently is crap. he likes to just walk around and say it repeatedly. It is not a bad word but you still don't want to him say it at an inopportune time. He had shit down before he was one, thankfully that lost the novelty for him real quick.

    He still does not always pronunciate his words clearly so it is funny getting him to say "percy" from Thomas and Friends.

  8. S Yuan Hunter |

    From your reader in Toronto: My 11-month is saying "ddddduk" and "nai nai" - not yet sure what he means that I don't think we use those words at all. We've been very careful about not repeating words like "No" or "S**t" and Daddy's now got "Fudge" down pat. Maybe he is saying "Don't..." come to think of it, as I do say THAT a lot. And "nai nai" is often a Chinese way of saying breastmilk... but I never use that term. We say "milk milk milk." So we're still confused.

    But man are they ever fun.

    And this entry had me on the floor, I was laughing so hard. I've put a link on my blog to this entry. :)

  9. Jessica |

    Hi Sherry, I have to admit that I've never been able to find your blog. Your three Blogger blogs don't seem to be up to date, so I wonder if you have another blog out there. I'd certainly love to visit.

  10. Alex |

    thats hilarious

  11. S Yuan Hunter |

    Hi Jessica,

    Yes, sorry, it requires log in. I used to have it the way you do, but so many of my friends were telling me that I shouldn't. You know, crazies on the 'net and all. So, I've been inviting readers if they were interested. Seeing as you've been so generous with your blog, would you like me to invite you to mine? :) I just need to know what email address to invite.

    All the best,

  12. Jessica |

    Sherry, I'd love to visit your blog.

    hunsford AT hotmail DOT com


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