Written on Thursday, September 27, 2007 by Jessica

A news anchor at one of the local news stations has a last name that rhymes with diarrhea. Unfortunate, don't you think? I guess we can all imagine what the mean kids called her at recess.

When I was in elementary school, I had two nicknames. One was Jessica McCarrots. My last name was Makarewicz (muh-CARE-wits), and I guess some kids thought it sounded a little like carrots. That one didn't bother me much. The other one was Uncle Jesse. In retrospect, it wasn't such a terrible nickname, but at the time, I didn't much care for being likened to the old man in The Dukes of Hazzard. (This was a pre-Full House era, so no, they weren't referring to John Stamos.)

I certainly gave this subject some though when we were naming Seth. I realize that kids are endlessly creative, so no matter what we chose, it would be something that would eventually be used against him at recess. I just didn't want make it embarrassingly easy for the perpetrators. My biggest concern right now is that Seth will have a lisp and will have trouble saying his own name.

What mean names did the kids call you in school? Have you thought of what mean names the other kids might call your kids?

The Bonds baseball


Written on Thursday, September 27, 2007 by Jessica

The public has voted to brand it with a big fat asterisk and send it off to the Hall of Fame:

34% Bestow it (intact) to Cooperstown
47% Brand it and send it to Cooperstown
19% Banish it (i.e., launch into space)

Don't forget to check out the new poll!

New poll


Written on Thursday, September 20, 2007 by Jessica

For a change of pace, I'm displaying someone else's poll -- what to do with Barry Bonds's home run ball.

Voting ends September 25.

For my sister


Written on Thursday, September 20, 2007 by Jessica

"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
- Fran Lebowitz

An age-old question


Written on Thursday, September 20, 2007 by Jessica

Boxers or briefs? Here's what you thought:

Boxers - 40%
Boxer briefs - 40%
Briefs, brightly colored - 10%
Commando, baby! - 10%
Tighty whities - zilch

See the chart here.

Any ideas for the next poll topic?

I never thought I'd see the day


Written on Thursday, September 20, 2007 by Jessica

A Canadian dollar and a US dollar now have equal value. When I was a kid, I think a Canadian dollar was worth about 65 US cents.

You know what really sucks about it? My parent company is located in Canada, so all our company stock used to be in Canadian dollars. However, because so many of the subsidiaries were located in the US, my parent company converted to US dollars a couple of years ago. My company stock would be worth way more if we'd stuck with Canadian dollars.

Arrrr, matey, take this quiz!


Written on Wednesday, September 19, 2007 by Jessica

The Detroit Free Press noted that it is Talk Like a Pirate Day.

And That Blue Girl has posted her pirate name.

Fate was telling me I needed a pirate name, too.

My pirate name is:

Bloody Bess Kidd

Every pirate lives for something different. For some, it's the open sea. For others (the masochists), it's the food. For you, it's definitely the fighting. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from
part of the network

By the way, here's this post in Pirate Speak:

The Detroit Free Press noted that 'tis Talk Like a Swashbuckler Tide. An' That Blue Girl has posted th' lass' seafarin' hearty name. Fate be tellin' me I needed a seafarin' hearty name, too.

Me seafarin' hearty name be:

Bloody Bess Kidd

Ever' seafarin' hearty lives fer somethin' different. Fer some, 'tis th' open sea. Fer others (th' masochists), 'tis th' food. Fer ye, 'tis definitely th' fightin'. E'en tho ye`re nay always th' traditional swaggerin' gallant, yer steadiness an' plannin' make ye a fine, reliable seafarin' hearty. Arr!

Get yer own seafarin' hearty name from seafarin'
part o' th' network

What's your name?


Written on Tuesday, September 11, 2007 by Jessica

Stole this from That Blue Girl (The Name Game).

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet's name, current car)
Never Had a Pet Buick

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fav ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Chocolate Chip

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL" NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
J.Mak (I never use my married name for these things because it just doesn't feel like my name.)

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Navy Baby (Animals are cute when they're still babies.)

5a. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Anne _________ (Sorry, not gonna post it. Not only is your birth city a frequently used security question, identity thieves can use the info to find the county where you were born. With the right info, it's sooooooo easy to obtain a birth certificate; and when an identity thief has your birth certificate, you might has well kiss your normal life goodbye.)

How about this?
5b. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you went to school/college)
Anne Marquette

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)
Mak-Je (or Seaje, if you want to be technical)

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink, put "The")
The Red Root Beer (almost never drink alcohol)

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
Leo Stephen

9. STRIPPER NAME: (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne, favorite candy)
Never Wear Perfume Heath

10. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother's & father's middle names )
Mary Leo

Energizer Bunny update


Written on Tuesday, September 11, 2007 by Jessica

Just got a call from my OB. The biopsy is negative for cancer. Nothing to worry about.

The progesterone has kicked in, so my period is finally over. It lasted a mere 31 days. After the progesterone is finished, my period is supposed to start up again and after that, things should get back to normal.



Written on Monday, September 10, 2007 by Jessica

So either my poll is highly uncompelling and no one wishes to participate, or no one has noticed it. I prefer the latter explanation, because what could be more compelling than the age-old question of boxers or briefs?

Orphan child


Written on Sunday, September 09, 2007 by Jessica

A few weeks ago, I met Baby's Daddy and Seth for lunch at Wendy's. I had to laugh when Baby's Daddy pulled Seth out of the vehicle. As my mother would say, he looked like an orphan child. Filthy face, messy hair, no shoes or socks, dirty white onesie -- not at onesie outfit, either. Just the plain, old tighty-whitey variety.

I'm sure the people who saw them thought they were cute. After all, as a daddy, Baby's Daddy was doing the best he could. But then he handed the child to me and ran off to the restrooms.

A woman in line actually stared at us, which is nothing unusual in itself. People always look at us and then smile because who can resist smiling at a cute baby? But instead of smiling back, this woman looked away when I smiled. That's when I realized what was going on. Instead of being a hapless daddy doing the best he could, I was clearly an unfit mother who can't take care of her child's basic needs. We weren't cute. We were disgraceful.

I forgot to pay my homeowner's insurance premium


Written on Saturday, September 08, 2007 by Jessica

Setting up Quicken now to prevent this from happening again. Fortunately, they give you a month to get your act together before they cancel your policy.

Looks like I'm just a wannabe


Written on Thursday, September 06, 2007 by Jessica says I'm a Dorky Light-Weight Nerd.  What are you?  Click here!

When did you become a Mommy?


Written on Thursday, September 06, 2007 by Jessica

If you're a mom, you probably remember that first moment when it hits your that you're really a mommy. (I stole this idea from That Blue Girl. You can read her Mommy Moment here.)

For me, it was the first night we had Seth. He spent the first two nights in the NICU, which was almost surreal, especially the first night, when I could hear other babies crying in their parents' rooms, but I hadn't even held my baby yet.

The third night in the hospital, he was finally with us. He kept waking up, and when a nurse finally came in and swaddled him for us, his blanket was sticking out a half-inch from his nose -- plenty of room to breathe, I know, but I still checked him make sure he was breathing. That was my mommy moment.

P.S. I checked him a dozen more times that night. Wanted to be sure he could still breathe.

Energizer Bunny


Written on Wednesday, September 05, 2007 by Jessica

Note to my male readership (i.e., Alex): You might want to skip right past this entry and just pretend it doesn't exist.

Okay, I have question for everyone. Just how long does a period have to last before I should become worried? Because this one's been going for 26 days. (Cue the Energizer Bunny bass drum.)

The weirdness is probably related to the fact that this is my first period since the baby. In fact, I hadn't had one for five months before the baby, so that means that, until now, I've been period-free for 27 months.

Maybe my body has forgotten how to menstruate efficiently. :)

Has anyone ever heard of never-ending periods? All my web searches seem to return results for long cycles, not long periods.

UPDATE: My OB would like me to come in for an ultrasound to "check [my] uterine lining." That'll be at 3:00 today. I'll let you know how it goes. Twenty-eight days and counting...

UPDATE 2: The vaginal ultrasound was predictably uncomfortable. The uterine lining was thick, so the doc wanted to do a biopsy. That totally freaked me out. I had a friend years ago who had a biopsy and she said it hurt like a mother. So there I am, two seconds from a meltdown, thinking it's going hurt like hell, when... nothing. I wasn't any less comfortable than a standard pap. Nothing to it.

The biopsy is to check for cancer (yikes!) but he really sounded like he just wanted to rule it out. I guess I don't really have a lot of warning signs, so at this point, I'm not too scared. I'll keep you posted.

Oh, he also gave me a script for 10 days of progesterone to stop the bleeding, but he says I'll start up again as soon as it's done and hopefully have a normal period. He referred to it as a chemical D&C.

Side effects


Written on Tuesday, September 04, 2007 by Jessica

My post about the no-sleep pill got me thinking about drug side effects. Have you heard the list of side effects associated with erectile dysfunction drugs? After news broke a couple of years ago that blindness was a side effect of Viagra and similar drugs, the commercials started adding, "Contact your doctor immediately if you experience a sudden decrease in vision."

Sudden decrease in vision? (Shall I avoid any jokes related to the idea that perhaps blood is simply rushing to someplace other than the eyes, resulting in an inability to see correctly?)

Eventually some brilliant spin doctor came up with the idea of simply listing "abnormal vision" as a side effect. Abnormal vision? To me, that sounds like, "Well, you might have some blurred vision for awhile, but it's nothing to worry about." It certainly doesn't sound like blindness is a possibility.

It makes you wonder what other horrific side effects are being covered up by relatively innocuous-sounding descriptions.