The Archives

1

Written on Sunday, October 12, 2008 by Jessica

Here's a fun one from the blog archives: "How drunk do you have to be?"

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$514 on lotteries?

6

Written on Friday, August 01, 2008 by Jessica

According to this CNNMoney.com article, "The average [American] household spends $514 a year on lotteries."

What? $514? That's just an average, mind you, which means lots of households have to be spending lots more in order offset households like mine that spend roughly... hang on, carry the 1... ZERO dollars on lotteries.

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Gotta see it to believe it

7

Written on Monday, July 21, 2008 by Jessica

Personally, I dislike waiting for videos to load, but I promise you: this video is worth it.

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4

Written on Wednesday, July 09, 2008 by Jessica

Really?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/norfolk/7496923.stm

Abbie Hawkins, 19, of Norwich, had been wearing the bra for five hours when she plucked up the courage to investigate [some movement that she initially thought was her vibrating cell phone].

When she did, she found a baby bat in padding in her 34FF bra. The hotel receptionist said she was shocked but felt bad for removing the "cuddly" bat. "It looked cosy and comfortable and I was sorry for disturbing it," she said.

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Ornament Premiere Weekend

2

Written on Thursday, June 19, 2008 by Jessica

I got an email tonight from Hallmark. (Yes, I'm on their mailing list. Yes, I'm too lazy to unsubscribe.) The subject line: "Sneak a peek at NEW 2008 Ornaments!"

My reaction: Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

It's June and their offering me a sneak peek at this year's Christmas ornaments? I suppose I should at least be grateful that they refrained from actually using the word "Christmas."

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Thanks for nothing, O'Connors Chrysler Dodge Jeep

7

Written on Thursday, June 12, 2008 by Jessica

We got our stimulus check in the mail today, weeks early!


Except it's not my stimulus check. It's an ad from O'Connors Chrysler Dodge Jeep in Pickford, Michigan. Well, congratulations, O'Connors. Your stupid stunt worked. I noticed your flier and I opened it. Of course, you've royally pissed me off in the process. What good is that?

I'd really like the meet the marketing geniuses who came up with this plan. I guess there was a group of people sitting around a table in a room, and someone said, "I know. Let's piss off all the potential customers." Someone else shouted, "Brilliant!" and everyone else nodded their head in agreement.

Mental note: Never buy a car from O'Connors in Pickford.

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Fixation

7

Written on Monday, May 05, 2008 by Jessica

I've been fixated by the horrifying Fritzl case since the news broke. It makes me wonder just how many missing people in the world are actually locked up somewhere.

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Ode to DivaCup

10

Written on Friday, April 20, 2007 by Jessica

I updated the DivaCup post with a link to this testimonial, but I've decided it deserved its own post. After all, DivaCup might decide to remove it from its site and then it would be lost forever.

One woman loves her Diva so much she wrote her testimonial in the form of a poem. You heard me -- a poem.

Diva, this is for you:

Because of this Diva I don,
I am no longer a slave to the 'pon
It fills me with glee,
To know that I'm free,
And saving this world we live on.

I go through my day with ease,
There is no string there to tease,
It catches it all,
Before it does fall,
I now live without boundaries.

So now when I go to the John,
There's nothing for me to check on!
And it is so great,
To know that my fate,
Is not in a Kotex nap'kon.

Diva must have come from the gods,
I think they have the best odds,
To have made something great,
That seems so innate,
And all who know share applause!

Clare from Alaska
Wow.

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WTF files

12

Written on Tuesday, April 17, 2007 by Jessica


DivaCup

Are they serious?

The DivaCup... not a tampon... not a pad. Finally a better way! The DivaCup is a leading edge redesign of a proven concept first introduced in the 1930's. Used by women worldwide for decades, it is now available nationwide. The DivaCup offer ultimate freedom enjoy your daily activities including sports such as swimming, as well as traveling with no messy "leaks" or the expense and inconvenience of buying and carrying supplies in all shapes, sizes and absorbencies.

The DivaCup will accommodate your individual and changing flow, neatly collected in the cup. Remove 2-3 times a day, empty and reinsert. The DivaCup can be worn overnight and it will not affect important vaginal moisture, making a perfect alternative or supplement to tampons or pads. The environment and overburdened landfills will benefit from your use of The DivaCup.
UPDATE: You have to read the testimonials. Someone even wrote a poem!
http://www.divacup.com/content_testimonials.php

Someone actually says, "First off, I am not a gusher; it's just not an aspect of my personality..." Gusher? Really, dear, you should choose your words more carefully.

Side note: Someone's testimonial does manage to explain how it's not messy.

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