Written on Wednesday, March 14, 2007 by Jessica
Today's special is artificial sustenance with a side a failure and dollop of disappointment. For our drink special we have guilt on tap, enough to swim in.
Formula has found its way onto the menu today. Freezer stores are gone, production hasn't increased. So formula it is.
On a rational level, I realize that formula isn't the end of the world, but that didn't keep me from crying yesterday when it became clear that I wouldn't make enough milk for today.
I might as well tell everyone the truth. I'm pretty insecure about being a mom (who isn't?), and breastfeeding was one thing I could point to as having done right. I might've had drugs during delivery, but by god, I breastfed. I might do a million things to cause irreversible emotional damage as he grows up, but at least I breastfed.
All the obstacles, pain, and difficulty -- well, they served to increase my pride for sticking with it. And now it's slipping away. I didn't make the year mark. Is my milk going to continue to dwindle to nothing?
I'm not giving up, not yet. I have More Milk Plus on order. I might even try Lactuca Virosa.
This post is such a downer I'm going to have a make a point of posting something a little happier.